A scientific study has been released that shows that Love Island can only be explained by warm prosecco.

Dr Frederick Seddon of Rochdale college told us,”The study was wide ranging. 600,00 viewers were asked about why it happened. Many cited that it was mindless escapism, some said it was the weather. There was a split between the sexes. Many women reported that they enjoyed watching how each person interacted. Particularly how the different contestants reacted when secrets were told.

Many male viewers reported that they enjoyed thinking about the female contestants reactions to say, getting in the shower and realising they’ve forgot their towel. It also means that they get to watch scantily clad women cavorting around without getting into trouble over their internet browsing history.

When we analysed the causes though we found the above to be mostly bollocks. We found people were watching it because they had time to drink prosecco. The relative ease with which you can obtain prosecco now means it is open to all classes of people not just the elite. They were drinking warm prosecco because they couldn’t get it back in the fridge. There’s a clear correlation there.

Love Island is also scheduled to come on once the kids are in bed and after tea. That’s what we call peak prosecco.”

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Fact checked by Snopes; Plagiarised by Andrew Neil; Nancy Sinatra’s favourite Rochdale satirist; sued by Chris Froome and winner of the 1922 Nobel Prize for Chemistry.*

*Not all of these necessarily true.