The EU has announced this morning that it has listed Boris Johnson as a product of the United Kingdom with protected geographical status, just like a Jersey Royal potato.
The move to safeguard Mr Johnson’s brand comes amidst fears that his attractive and eloquent forays into international diplomacy will lead to a rash of counterfeits being produced by regions across the European Union.
President of the European Union, Donald Tusk, personally drove the matter forward and released the following statement,
“There are few politicians on the European stage at the moment with the appeal of Boris. Any man who can’t control his hair but can be given a very senior ministerial post is a special product of his geographical location.”
It’s thought with Brexit rapidly diminishing the importance of the United Kingdom both in Europe and internationally larger, more powerful countries may try and steal the brand of Mr Johnson for personal profit.
“The United Kingdom is going to need to keep hold of anything that is unique to it as Brexit hands most of its jewels to the EU on a plate. Thus we are trying to be compassionate and look after a former friend, even if they are now about as reliable as a distant relative with a substance abuse problem who is offering to walk your dog with no strings attached.”
Other politicians expected to be listed with protected geographical status are other chief Brexiters.
Nigel Farage is thought to be exempt because he’s spent so much time screwing EU citizens and the EU in general, while taking home a sizeable pay packet in Euros, it’s thought he is spread to widely across the union for there to be any sense in protecting him now.
