This morning’s news that the tussle over the Brexit divorce bill will be decided with a winner takes all penalty shoot out between England and Germany has thrown the progress of Brexit into doubt.
Gareth Southgate is confident of getting May, Davis, Bojo and all the rest in form for the final penalty shoot out, which a formerly ignored paragraph in the Article 50 bill states is to take place after extra time is ended if there is no clear winner.
“With Boris in goal I can’t see the Germans getting too many past us.” Mr Southgate reassured a worried collection of Brexiters during a break from training with the Brexit negotiating team in Thanet, Kent.
“As long as Theresa holds her nerve when she steps up under the spotlight I can’t see the Germans stopping too many.”
Concerns that David Davis may just storm off the pitch if he does not get his own way in the order have been dismissed as a misreading of his character.
“Davis gives it all that but he’s a real workhorse.” Mr Southgate offered further comfort. “If you’ve ever seen him negotiating with a mini cab driver you’ll know he’s not a man to give in to pressure in the big moment.”
But commentators have queried why just the English team will step up in any penalty shoot out, especially given their poor history against Germany in such crunch events.
“It’s a classic Brussels stitch up.” Retired ball boy Nigel Farage commented.
“They knew if they allow Sturgeon to walk up to the spot they will be in hot water. I reckon we should just take the ball and go home before full time and let them cry foul. It’s always worked for me.”
