And they’re off
It’s Ascot in the lead, neck and neck with Sunny Weather, but coming up on the outside it’s Posh Girls Who Look Like They Might Turn Slutty. And it’s Posh Girls, Posh Girls, Posh Girls, overtaken now by There’d Be More Drunk Skanks At Aintree. Further back in the pack it’s Story About Premiership Club, Story About Another Premiership Club and Yet Another Story About A Premiership Club, jostling alongside Wenger Out, with Transfer Rumours and Sodding Football seeking to split the pack.
And they’re into the second furlong, approaching the Why Do We Talk About Football When There’s Not Even Any Games bend, with Look, The Queen making a late surge and, oh my gosh, Look The Queen has slammed What Is Piers Morgan Doing Here into the side of the fence and the jockey is thrown. Oh this isn’t good, Morgan is looking lamer than a UK Prime Minister, and his trainer is taking him off to the tent, and that’s the last we will see of him today.
Into the third furlong, with the going good to firm, it’s Other Sports Are Pretty Good Too pushing through the pack as they reach the Congratulations On World Cup Qualification After An Amazing Set of Wins In London Memorial Stand, one of the few places in Ascot where you will hear a conversation about hockey. The crowd are on their feet now, roaring them home, and in a late surge, it’s Cricket, Cricket, Cricket, with A Little Bit of Rugby making a token effort towards the end there.
But there can be only one winner, and, yet again, the favourite, Sodding Football, takes all the air time, by several lengths.
