Emergency Services are at the point of absolute collapse this evening after millions tuned in to the BBC to watch the exit polls this evening without wearing protective eyewear and were blinded by David Dimbleby’s tie.
The tie, described by one observer, as a godawful blue, purple and gold monstrosity is so bright that not only have people been seriously injured from the glare but thousands of television screens have been utterly ruined.
“It was terrible” one victim told us from a hospital trolley in a car park in Middleham, “I can’t believe that the last thing I saw was that exit poll and David Dimbleby’s tie. I hope I don’t freeze to death in this car park.”
Ambulances across the country have been called to almost every home in Britain to deal with reports of half blind, drunk voters who were accidentally exposed to the tie in their eagerness to catch a glimpse of election result predictions.
The HSE have issued a statement that reads “If you are going to watch BBC News tonight you must wear appropriate protective goggles or a welders mask or you are at risk of seriously and permanently damaging your eyes on David Dimbleby’s fucking terrible tie.”
You have been warned.
