Scientists from the Institute For Politicised Childhoods have announced the results of extensive testing, on toddlers, in laboratories.
“They’re all Conservatives, by and large.” Dr. Bee Levermen revealed. “We had this hypothesis and we set out to prove it.”
Apparently there is a spectrum of behaviour, but most fall into a pattern usually associated with harder Conservative and/or UKIP voters.
“They’re given everything they need at birth and they damn well believe they deserve it.” Dr. Bee stated, while addressing what are the indicators to look out for if you suspect your child is at risk of political radicalisation.
“They like to take what others in any age group possess, regardless of whether or not they already have sufficient.
They furiously resist sharing even a small piece of pie with another child. They have to be physically forced to do that.”
The list of indicators continues at length and it must be stressed there are outliers.
“Some of the Conservative children were witnessed to be genuinely altruistic. But it is expected age and a catalogue of personal setbacks will do for that.”
But one immediate impact of the study’s findings on government policy is a u-turn in Theresa May’s prior refusal to lowering the voting age.
It’s now understood that the Prime Minister is to exercise royal prerogative and lower the legal voting age, in advance of June 8th, to fourteen months of age up to two years.
There will then be a gap where voting is not allowed again until the age of sixty five, with some exceptions being made dependent on what school an individual attended and/or their profession.
“It’s going to ensure our landslide without a doubt.” Priti Patel commented
“You won’t see a million two year olds making a socialist meme go viral, but what you will see is them shoving their peers into the dirt and taking their smallest possession. The Conservative Party is now the natural home for toddlers.”
