A new cure has been unveiled by the NHS to stop people choking – looking at pictures of Jeremy Hunt.
This seemingly controversial move actually has a firm basis in scientific fact. Dr Flo Ofair explained at a press conference, “seeing pictures of Mr Hunt makes people vomit with such force that it clears any blockages, even ones big enough to choke on.”
The success rate so far has been 100% – even the biggest, potentially fatal blockages were vomited back out after the patients saw a picture of the health secretary. Absolutely no patient has failed to recover from this procedure.
This apparent miracle cure is also being considered for people with any stomach disorder.
The only potential drawback is that these pictures are very powerful, and the vomiting effect is so extreme, that even people with empty stomachs are retching at the sight of Mr Hunt. Research is still going on to try and dilute the strength of the pictures so that perfectly healthy people don’t start throwing up all over the place at the merest glance.
Until then, doctors are keeping the pictures covered up in special wallets, and only taken out in extreme emergencies, and only then as a last resort.
We await further developments with baited breath – but only a very tiny piece of bait though.
