Britain’s exit from the European Union is set to spell the end for some of the country’s best loved children’s TV programmes, it was revealed Wednesday.
With post Brexit Britain set to scrap EU environmental protection regulations the path will be open for the felling of much of the UK’s woodland to be burned in place of imported natural gas.
A spokesman for the Ministry of Rural Desecration and Exploitation (MORDEX) confirmed to the Herald that non resident species such the cantationally and campanologically unlikely 1960s East German import, “The Singing Ringing Tree” will be first for the axe.
“East Germany was a communist dictatorship and doesn’t even exist any more so why should we be providing homes for their unfeasible arboreal exports?” He asked.
Most of the other actors who starred in the popular children’s fantasy have already returned to Germany.
Richard Kruger who played the sinister dwarf left the UK in the 1980s citing a shortage of suitable roles followed shortly after by Christel Bodenstein, who played the haughty princess, complaining bitterly at having only been offered the role of assistant witch to Molly Weir in Rentaghost.
The only main character still remaining in the UK is Wanda the bizarrely oversized talking fish, who spends half the show frozen in a tiny pond hardly big enough for a tadpole.
Having dieted furiously in the 80s she was eventually offered a lead role alongside John Cleese and Michael Palin in the pisc-sploitation flick – “A Fish called Wanda”, which earned her enough to retire to sizeable millpond in rural Sussex.
A MORDEX spokesman confirmed to the Herald Wednesday that they have been in touch with Iceland and expect her to be filleted, frozen and in the freezers in time for Easter.
The spokesman also confirmed that other popular imported children’s TV series will face similarly harsh treatment as the UK exits the EU.
Canine superstar Belle, of “Belle and Sebastian” fame, has already been chipped and deported he said, adding that Sebastian himself has long since moved to the US where he has been making a disreputable living as a somewhat unlikely rap artist.
However the fate of the horses who featured in the follow up series “BelleSebastian and The Horses” is somewhat less clear.
“The horses were sent to the knackers years ago,” he said adding that some of them were thought to have later secured minor roles in ground beef products sold in a number of British supermarkets.
“These were only bit parts though, there is absolutely no question of them having starred in cereals,” he added reassuringly.
