Legendary 80s Manchester miserablists The Smiths are to reform for a one-off benefit concert for former UK prime minister David Cameron, a spokesperson for the band has confirmed.
The concert, which will be the first time the for band members have appeared together since December 1986, has tentatively been scheduled for 24th June, the day Cameron resigned as prime minister following his catastrophic defeat in the Brexit referendum the previous day.
A spokesman for the band confirmed that with lead singer Morrissey living permanently in Italy and the name of his song writing partner Johnny Marr being a homophone for the French phrase “J’en y marre” (I’m fed up), both are committed Remain supporters and have taken a deep interest both in the whole Brexit debate and in the fate of “poor David”.
Since his referendum humiliation Cameron has also resigned from the UK parliament leaving him without any regular income save for interest accrued on the humungous offshore investment portfolio he inherited from his billionaire father.
A spokesperson for the Westminster branch of the Benefits Agency confirmed that having resigned both posts voluntarily, Cameron is ineligible for any form of state assistance but could if he wished, make use of local food banks and the unofficial homeless shelter “cardboard city”, located on the South bank of the Thames.
Any help from his chums in the Smiths would at least save Cameron the ignominy of panhandling strangers on Hungerford Bridge with the traditional, cheery London greeting of “spare a quid guv?” usually spluttered through a dyspeptic haze of cidery belches and cigarette smoke.
A venue has yet to be chosen for the reunion, although with both Morrissey and guitarist Johnny Marr boasting Irish ancestry, sources close to the band have confirmed that Dublin is a possibility pointing to hints dropped by band members themselves.
“Irish blood, English heart,
It is troublin’
Will there be, a
reunion In Dublin”
Sang Morrissey, at a recent concert in Baghdad, adapting the lyrics of his 2004 international hit of the same name. An offshore location would also help Cameron avoid UK tax on what promises to be a sizeable windfall.
Neither Morrissey nor Marr would confirm that the band will use the concert to premier new material, including a version of Morrissey’s 1995 solo hit single, ‘Dagenham Dave’, adapted to reflect the beneficiary of the concert, and a possible new single release tentatively entitled “Suck it up Snowflake”.
Commenting on the planned benefit concert, Brexit founder and Cameron
nemesis Nigel Farage sneered that it if the Smiths and Cameron couldn’t accept the result of the Brexit poll, they would be better to stay in Ireland for good.
Farage revealed that he is planning his own 80s themed music festival for the summer, tentatively entitled “Brextivus”, aimed at celebrating the triggering of Article 50 and which will feature what he described as “just good, wholesome hard rocking British bands, and none of that snowflake music..”.
80s heavy rockers Saxon have confirmed as have Oi! exponents, the Cockney Rejects, and far right skinhead bands Combat 84 and Skrewdriver he said.
