In news from the future today, we have learned that Gary ‘Tory Tax Breaks’ Barlow is/will be the winner of the 2017 Nobel Prize for Literature.
“After Dylan winning last year for writing lyrics that he then vomits out of his nose,” said time-traveller Justin Mint, “everybody realised that reserving the prize for actual books and works of literature -like The Colour Purple or The Name of the Rose- was just elitist twaddle. So now any old shite from songs counts. 2 Unlimited win in 2021.”
Dylan, who has written some really decent folk songs, but not any actual literature of any merit, won the prize in 2016 just to put the Nobel Institute’s stamp on what a ridiculous year 2016 was/is.
“Putin wins the 2020 Nobel for peace, a table from Rochdale MacDonalds wins the 2018 Nobel for Chemistry and the colour yellow on a Thursday whilst paddling in custard wins the 2025 Nobel Prize for Physics,” Justin also told us, adding :
“Nobody got the prize for inventing the time machine I am using because things stopped making sense some time in 2015.”
