Purveyors of fine bean and pasta based tinned goods, Heinz, announced a new product this morning.
A spokesman told The Rochdale Herald:
“It’s all about equal opportunities and we feel the visually impaired are missing out on the linguistic benefits of our classic cuisine of alphabetti spaghetti”.
When asked of how this will work, he went on to say, “It’s basically like Heinz beans, but they’re the size of lentils, so will work on the concept of braille”.
In a controversial move by the firm, it has inevitably stirred up mixed emotions from some consumers.
One selfish shopper, who lacked the sense and judgment to make a wide pass when they saw someone ambling towards them with a clipboard and a dictaphone in their hand said,
“This is totally ridiculous! I really quite like the idea of small spaghetti beany things because my digestive system isn’t what it used to be, but I also have 20-20 vision, so have never learnt braille and, as a consumer, I won’t be getting the same benefits from it”.
We’re told this is just the beginning of a new range of products we can expect to see from Heinz on the supermarket shelves very soon.
Other prototypes currently undergoing tests in the alphabet range are said to be; Binary code, Morse code and Arabic.
And although not much detail regarding these products has been divulged, we’ve got a pretty good idea and will be reporting on them further, as and when the news trickles in.
