Theresa May has ordered all fans removed from government premises immediately to limit the damage of Storm Stable.
The storm is already sweeping across the Westminster area and is expected to cover the entire country over the weekend. It may well linger into next week and cause further delay to the Queen’s Speech.
People are advised to stock up on essentials such as toilet paper, bleach and most importantly, supplies of someone else to blame.
The Prime Minister has reassured the country she will watch the progress of Storm Stable from the Met Office. A junior minister will be identified who can be sent out into the storm to see how safe it is before the PM herself ventures forth.
Currently boiling up out of the fingertips of journalists in Westminster village, Storm Stable is predicted to cause wide spread flooding and debris damage.
The Home Office is said to have piled sandbags in the doorways of all government offices to try and limit the damage from any blame flooding.
The Prime Minister is reported to have gone even further.
Alongside clearing out fans to limit facial blowback, May has personally overseen the installation of storm shutters on 10 Downing Street.
In a sign of tension with the Chancellor Phillip Hammond the PM has turned down his request to do the same for 11 Downing Street.
The Herald asked Prof Rav Cyclops, a specialist in storm systems of this nature, for a description of what to expect?
“A lot of poo. Make no doubt. This is a shit storm.”
