The spokesman for the Royal College of Dental Surgeons, Dr. Mo Larr, issued a warning not to feed starving children of refugees and immigrants with Halloween sweets.

He said that “considering the unwillingness of the public to help even with basic hygiene necessities like soap and toothbrushes it would make it close to impossible to gauge their age after an onslaught of sugar. causing. Plaque, cavities and gum disease ccould age the teeth of an 8 year old by twenty years, especially with the added 5 o’clock shadow on cheeks and chins.”

His tip to stay healthy and humane – do not tell any Brexiters or assorted right wingers about it, otherwise food banks will be overflowing with marzipan fingers, sugar paste fangs and eyeball shaped wine gums.