The ongoing horror of the BBC’s handling of the Soo the Panda sexing-up scandal took another dramatic twist last night as footage emerged of TV Stars Sooty & Sweep making off-air comments about their co-star, oriental beauty Soo the Panda. They clearly did not know that the cameras were still running as they made their sensational claims.

Transcriptions of the unguarded exchange do not make pretty reading for the veteran BBC performers and Nation treasures. In one exchange, involving much loved Harry Corbett the meaning was unmistakable;

Sooty – “……………………”

Harry – “What’s that Sooty? ‘I wouldn’t mind hibernating in the back of that!’ Well that’s not very nice is it?”

Sweep – “squeak, squeak, squeak, squeak, squeak, squeak,”

Harry – “Really? ‘I know where I’m burying my next bone!’ – Is that how you talk about people?”

Sooty – “…………., …….., …………..”

Harry – “No Sooty! Dressing like that does not mean ‘she definitely wants it’!”

Sweep – “squeak, squeak, squeak, squeak, squeak, squeak, squeak, squeak, squeak, squeak squeak, squeak, squeak, squeak, squeak”

Harry – “I’m really not sure a Beagle can “cure the Panda breeding problem” all on his own, Sweep and no; you can’t ‘show me on the Glove Puppet where she touched you!’”

However as time went on the relationship soured with Sooty & Sweep variously accusing her of “being a cock-tease” and “never shutting up”. In one exchange they accused her of “kissing up to Harry” and “crossing the line” by talking English

With more revelations set to come out over the next few days it is certain to be an uncomfortable time for the TV icons. But then, it can’t be much more uncomfortable than having Harry Corbett’s hand wedged up your arse.

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Quentin D Fortesqueue is a founding editor of The Rochdale Herald. Part time amateur narcissist and full time satirist Quentin is never happier than when playing his lute and drinking a full bodied Bordeaux. He rarely plays the lute and never gets to drink Bordeaux.