After a turbulent day for Jeremy Corbyn, things could be looking up as he adds a Rochdale superstar to his new cabinet.Rochdale’s answer to Dappy from Ndubz, Adnan Khan is rumoured to be the new Shadow Culture Secretary.
Adnan, known by his hip-hop street name ‘Menace’ has been added to the diminishing Labour front bench as a result of the week’s historic mass resignations.
The Wardleworth born maestro, made famous after his “beatz” were sampled by RnB top dog Kanye West for the album The Life of Pablo is the latest addition to a new team that Jeremy Corbyn says will “Seriously kick some Tory butt.”
Albert Dingle Jnr, a colleague of Mr Menace at the Rochdale town centre shop, The Mobile People, told the Herald that he’d heard the news when Adnan had texted him at teatime on the 27th..
“It were a bit of shock to be honest,” Albert told the Herald, “because I were expecting him to be opening up tomorrow but apparently he’s got a job making cabinets in London or something. I was gonna have a sleep in but I can’t now as I’ll have to cover for him.”
Baseball cap wearing musical genius, Adnan, was apparently in London to meet with producers interested in his burgeoning beat website, where budding rappers can buy ready made dubs when the popular Stalinist spotted him and offered him the new job.
“I don’t really follow all that politics stuff,” Albert said but I could tell he were serious about it because he used hardly any emojis.”
So what made Jezza combine the two and appoint our own cultural icon, Khan?
“Apparently Jeremy was outside the House of Commons with his cap in has hand looking for new Ministers. It was just lucky that Adnan was walking past. It’s unbelievable really, he’s dead lucky like that, he’s only on Kanye’s album because he met him in Lidl car park.”
We contacted Jeremy Corbyn’s office for comment several times and we were told that Mr Corbyn was not resigning and not speaking to press before the speaker hung up but eventually we got through:
“Jeremy has decided that it’s time for a fresh and altogether groovier kind of politics and has simply been waiting for the dead wood to clear out before bringing in new talent like Adnan Khan,” a secretary told us, “and of course the Blairites and the Tory-backing media are trying to frame this as a disaster for Jeremy as they do with everything but the truth is that with the conservative government in a shambles and the debacle they’re making of the people’s decision to leave the EU, there’s never been a better time to bring the disenfranchised youth into mainstream parliamentary politics. We look forward to adding more revolutionary ideas to the mix in the coming days as we look forward to steering our nation out of this Tory mess. God, we’re screwed. Shit, how do I hang u…!”
Mr Khan has already joined the pantheon of Rochdale musical and political icons which include Blinder, alleged sex offender Cyril Smith, Lisa Stansfield The Potential Victims, The Mudanzas, Surinder Khabbra (aka Sinders), Untermensch, Howard the Duck, Wilful Damage, Accident on the East Lancs, the Prankseters and of course local MP and pornography enthusiast Simon Danczuk.
