Jeremy Corbyn’s children reportedly had a brilliant time this Christmas and are still enjoying playing with the new coal their Dad bought them.
“It’s been a wonderful couple of days.” Mr Corbyn’s eldest, Shaneekwa, told The Rochdale Herald. “We all got new hair shirts and a dozen pieces of coal to play with.”
“Christmas lunch was lovely. We had unsweetened porridge, water and some steamed vegetables. We even got to look at some lovely pictures of a roast turkey while Dad reminded us that some people can’t even afford a picture of a roast turkey.”
“As a special treat we were allowed to burn half a candle and Dad read us half a chapter of Dad Kapital in German while we looked at photos of Soviet era steam tractors.”
“We got some fresh hay for the bed and stayed up until almost 8pm.”
Though all is not so rosy as Mr Corbyn is now under increasing pressure from members of The Party to return the coal.
“All property is theft and I thought we wanted to nationalise all the coal.” Comrade McDonnel told The Rochdale Herald.
“Great Leader Corbyn needs to return the coal he so decadently gave his children, there are children out there who didn’t get any coal at all. It’s only fair that nobody gets any. That’s how equality works.”
“It’s a wonderful time of year.” Mr Corbyn’s children told The Herald. “It’s just a shame that we’ll have to send Das Kapital back to the library soon.”
