From sitting Priti to up shit creek without a Patel
Former Secretary of State for International Development Priti Patel held undisclosed meetings in Israel accompanied by an influential Conservative Party pro-Israel lobbyist without letting the Foreign and Commonwealth Office (FCO) know. This is a severe breach of protocol and not something which May be okay.
As a consequence, she resigned herself to being dismissed.
Whilst you might think this protocol breach would be Priti hard to explain, Patel said she was just catching a brew with Benjamin Netandtyphoo. This was in response to criticism that she is always going on about him and should let it go because she’ll never get to meet him. This criticism, in Time Warnered tradition, has mainly come from lefty Tory hating types that read dreadful rags like the Herald. Ironically, this greater freedom of speech has been facilitated by the declining influence of America Online, falling prey to the automated systems of the Putin-influenced Goolag.
The news of Patel’s “resignation” follows rapidly on the heels of the Defence Secretary being obliged to Fallon his sword, with a sex scandal that kneely attracted the attentions of Hollywood. Whilst there have been rumours of an attempt to get the government on track by rebranding Conservatism with a new logo, traditionalists favour simply pointing at the existing one and saying “Theresa’s good”.
This may backfire though. The onward march to the festive season draws the inevitable response “Ebenezer’s good,” as rumours spread that the reason the Prime Minister is increasingly rarely seen in public is because she is cotching by the bass bin.
We are grateful to the pundamentalist wing of the Labour Party for their kind sponsorship of this article. If it doesn’t get at least 1K positive reacts (or gets >500 angry reacts) I will take it as a sign you want more jokes about Jeremy Corbyn and/or Momentum.
An apology from Johnny Wapping: this article was written to fit the puns I came up with. In the original version, I thought of Benjamin Netandyahoo and wrote that section of the article to fit. I have since been informed that this could be read as expressing the old anti-Semitic libel, that the Jews control the media. It was not my intent and it took me some time to see it, even after it had been pointed out to me. For all my willingness to make puns and jokes about all races and religions, I would like to be clear that I consider anti-Semitic views foul, and I apologise unreservedly. As such, I have updated the relevant section. In future, I will try to do better. Thank you – JW.
