The United Kingdom is in shock this week after an all-party think tank found that power hungry arseholes of all political persuasions are also pervy fuckers.
A slew of allegations of sexual misconduct hit both the major gangs of sanctimonious, self-righteous hypocrites forcing some of them to actually look in a mirror
Tory “leader” Theresa May was forced to publish a new code of conduct for members of the Conservative Party laying out how all members should behave in the future.
The document is titled “Oh For Fuck’s Sake Grow Up” and includes a new definition of harassment that leaves no room for pervy behaviour.
It says that any minister, MP or activist will be guilty of harassment if their actions have the effect of “violating a person’s dignity or creating an intimidating, hostile, degrading, humiliating or offensive situation or environment for them.”
A cabinet minister told The Rochdale Herald: “the new guidelines seem to be suggesting that we can’t hit our secretaries on the bottom with a riding crop or grope parliamentary aides anymore. They do know this is the Conservative Party right.”
“Stephen Milligan didn’t wank himself to death with an orange full LSD in his mouth in 1994 so that we couldn’t honk on girlies boobies. That’s why most of us got into politics.”
The UK hide and seek champion and part-time Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn has promised to take tough action against harassment in the Labour Party.
“I really think it would be a good idea if members of the Labour Party wouldn’t mind not raping activists at fundraisers. If that’s not too much trouble.”
“If you do get raped at a Labour event you can rest assured that you can call my office and I might or might not get back to you.”
Keith Vaz is said to be thrilled to be back off the bottom rung.
