French authorities today claimed that their test of the post-Brexit border checks was a complete success, with motorists in Kent delayed for hours and complete gridlock in some areas.
The Herald managed to speak to the French minister in charge, François Farage (no relation). Catching him between lunches and afternoon intercourse he told us;
“This test of our capacity to cause carnage in the UK after Brexit went better than we could have hoped. The sight of car loads of families trying to exist on roadkill, or worse still, service station sandwiches that cost their entire travel budget or the many bottles of your Irn Bru that mysteriously appear along the hard shoulder, made sure we laughed throughout our Patisserie and intercourse filled weekend.”
He added “Once we upgrade our already pretty modern road network with EU cash, your relatively quick progression through checks going the other way will seem like another insult, as you then sit on your 1960s road network trying in vain to get home. Salut!”
But some in France are not entirely happy with the government’s plans to cause chaos in the UK post-Brexit. Henri Farage (no relation) who is head of France’s biggest trades union said,
“Causing UK travel chaos has historically been the remit of our unions, and for the capitalist running-dogs in power to take this over is a smack in the face for the average French striking man.”
British motorist and leave voter Hugh Garse who was stuck for 12 hours in Dover said “when I voted for an end to free movement I didn’t think they meant for everyone. Just brown people. When have the British ever been a threat to the French?”
