Jacob Rees-Mogg MP is reported to be in the process of choosing a nice green field near to his family home at Wentworth Woodhouse where he will father the next generation of conservative voters when he is put out to stud.
The member for parliament for North East Somerset is said to be the purest example of the cliche Tory MP available. As the holder of an inherited genetic profile without fault, he is highly prized by billionaires seeking to ensure there is always a conservative MP available to distract the general population.
The stock breeding concern was established by Lord Rothermere and Paul Dacre in 2010 and initially had its sights set on both David Cameron and Boris Johnson as a joint pair of stallions. However both have been shown to have a defective political profile over the last eighteen months in spite of an impeccable pedigree.
A spokesman for the stud farm gave this statement to the Herald,
“If we can get Rees-Moog to do his duty in a field full of conservative mares it will be best for the chance of offspring resulting that will continue to produce foals likely to wear double breasted pin striped suits.
Ideally we want one who will wear a monocle which is something even Jacob hasn’t managed. If he’s not up to it, and heaven knows he’s done enough already to sire his own legion of offspring, than we’ll have to milk him and get a robot to do the rest.”
If all goes well and pregnancies are confirmed by the winter than Rees-Mogg will be given a collection of latin words and terms for food in a hat and asked to pull them out at random to name the resulting offspring.
