This year’s Glastonbury festival has turned into something of a spiritual and political awakening of the masses, as Jeremy Corbyn attended the annual arts festival to deliver a speech on unity and hope.
Jeremy was witnessed performing miraculous acts around the festival after his sermon.
“He fed around 5000 of us with some loaves of 50/50 bread and a couple of fish fingers.” said one festival goer. “I haven’t eaten anything but e’s all day. It was great.”
Jeremy further amazed those at the festival by humbly lowering to his knees, removing the muddy wellies and sodden socks of his aides, and washing their feet before they entered his tent for a meal of vegetables from his allotment.
Hundreds of the weekend partiers followed this example, using fresh wipes from the burger vans to wipe mud and cow turd from each other’s feet.
Although several had to be treated in the first aid tents afterwards due to their enthusiastic washing leading to several getting the foul smelling mud in their eyes.
“This just proves only Jezza has the power.” One of the festival goers receiving treatment stated. “I’m sure when he hears of our plight he’ll be right down to heal us.”
We spoke to Tracy, a student who witnessed the Labour leader’s actions close at hand.
She said,
“It might have been the mushrooms, but I’m sure I saw him turning plastic cups full of piss into wine. It was still warm but it was better than the six quid cans of Fosters.”
