A brainchild policy of Health Secretary, Jeremy Hunt, has been leaked from the Conservative General Election Manifesto.
The policy will outline plans to increase doctor numbers whilst simultaneously cutting costs.
After a Conservative election win, would be doctors will be sent on a two week basic ICT course about the fundamentals of using Google, before hitting hospital wards.
After three months they will be known as ‘Health Artists’ and will earn minium wage on a zero hour contract. After 10 years they will be automatically become qualified Doctors of Medicine if they have a death rate below 50%.
Hazel Readaloud, a spokeswoman for the Department of Health said;
“This is an exciting proposal to rejuvenate the NHS and deliver strong and stable healthcare. Doctor numbers, for unknown reasons, have steadily declined since 2010 and with Brexit looming we’re guaranteed to lose more.”
The policy has already been heavily criticised by both Labour and the Liberal Democrats.
Tim Farron said; “This is a disgraceful policy. How can put the nation’s health in the hands of a search engine? We should be putting our faith in God.”
Jeremy Hunt declined to comment but released a statement earlier today;
“The NHS is struggling. My proposals will save millions of pounds that can be better spent on bombs. I know this will be a complete success. We have hundreds of unqualified doctors already, deeming people fit for work and getting them off benefits. London Cabbies spend years preparing for ‘The Knowledge’ exam but Uber drivers use a Sat Nav. There’s literally no difference.”
