Diane Abbott has declared Jeremy Corbyn “statistically the most popular & electable Labour leader ever” after the leaked Labour Manifesto shows that Labour have decided to re-nationalise British Rail.
The decision came after Corbyn was faced with the relentless humiliation of never being able to get a seat on the current rail network and having to read Private Eye whilst sat on the floor.
However, backed by research from the Thikasa Planc Institute, he will soon be able to get a forward facing table seat all to himself if he gets elected. Labour Nmbers Spokesperson, Diane Abbott picks up the story.
“As this wiggly line shows, until nationalisation train usage was getting out of control” said Ms Abbott. “People thought trains were for the many and not the few. However, under Nationalisation we were able to make sure that our Socialist brothers sisters could get a decent seat by bringing the user numbers back down to a level unseen since roughly 1880” she continued, with a renewed grasp on basic maths.
“Remember…a vote for Jeremy is a vote for a guaranteed seat on the train…unless they are on strike…which, now I remember…is actually why user numbers were so low…no trains ran…am I still talking out loud?” mumbled Ms Abbott.
