The author of the ’50 Shades’ series of erotic novels, E.L. James, has dismissed allegations that she is responsible for the public’s increasing desire to be fucked by rich white people.
As polls continue to show the Tories with a 20 point lead over Labour, political analysts have suggested that the series’ success may be one of the reasons why people are so keen to vote for a party that seeks to humiliate and degrade them for its own perverted gratification.
“I think it’s absurd,” panted James, as she leaned over and tentatively waited for another throbbing question to be thrust into her trembling ear hole.
“My books are all about love and sex and that. They definitely do not promote the idea that it’s sexy to be repeatedly bent over and rogered silly by wealthy, powerful sociopaths,” she moaned, as the words erupted from her mouth like a sexy fountain.
Regular Tory voter, Wilma Thornton, 56, told reporters that there was more to the party than just their horrendous record of violating naïve and vulnerable members of the electorate.
“I mean, I know that since they’ve been in power they’ve increased national debt by over £500 billion, introduced draconian surveillance laws, ignored the plight of child refugees, cut disability benefits, increased the deficit, dragged the UK out of the EU in an attempt to win a pissing contest, sold the Royal Mail off to their chums, exacerbated the housing crisis, and gone out of their way to systematically destroy the NHS,” she said.
“But deep down, I know they really love us and I’m sure they’ll change eventually.”
Meanwhile, a spokesperson for Jeremy Corbyn denied suggestions that the Labour leader was simply too ‘vanilla’ for today’s voters.
“I know for a fact that Jeremy once put on a pair of trousers without ironing them first,” she told reporters. “Oh, and I also heard that he often leaves the house wearing mismatched socks, and if that’s not a sign of sexual deviancy then I don’t know what is.”
“Phwoar!”
