UKIP leader and MEP Paul Nuttall Sunday issued a stern denial that he had lied about surviving the sinking of the Titanic on April 12th 1914.
Confirming that he wasn’t actually born until November 1976, Nuttall said that didn’t matter because anyway his late great grandfather who perished in the tragedy would confirm that he was there and that he’d survived despite not having got a seat in one of the few lifeboats like the members of the established political parties whose immoral grip on power was thankfully coming to an end.
“Frankly anyone who doubts this is the scum of the earth, and indeed the sea,” he said in an accent resembling someone chain sawing a foam mattress in half.
Mr Nutbrittle’s great grandfather could not be contacted for comment due to his still being at the bottom of the Atlantic.
Nuttall spoke to reporters in the front room of his family home in Stoke on Trent, where is standing as the UKIP candidate in the Stoke on Trent central by-election.
Questioned as to the lack of furniture and why the house didn’t appear to have been lived in for some time Nuttjob blamed anti UKIP elements in the local community for having broken in and stripped his house of all his personal possessions and those of his family.
“Dem fuchin skallees roun ere like, der al bin paid off by dem udder partees,” he said denying absolutely that he had only recently bought the house and had not actually been resident when he submitted his registration form to stand in the election.
“Am stokee born an bred me larr, so der,” he glottal-stopped. Mr Nutkins, from Bootle Liverpool, has previously come in for criticism after it was revealed that he had claimed on his own personal web site to have won a gold medal for swimming the marathon in the 1972 Munich Olympics, and for claiming on his Linked In profile that he had a post doctoral degree in astrophysics and that he had helped Neil Armstrong down from the Apollo Lander having stepped onto the moon ahead of him.
Quizzed by a reporter from Rochdale Herald sister paper, the Pottery Thunderbox as to why he had made such unusual claims Nutkins accused the press of having fabricated the story to influence the outcome of the by-election.
“I never wrote dem, no way, an if I did it was a mistake like an anyways yooz lying suvvun meejer are makin all dis shit up,” he snarled.
Mr Fruitandnutcase also criticised media claims that he had ever called for the abolition of the National Health Service claiming again that he had been misquoted.
“What I actually said was that “the NHS stifles competition”, he said arguing that the high death rate in UK hospitals compared to those in the countries of the European Union he was desperate for Britain to leave, could better be managed by the private sector.
“I’ve long argued we should re-introduce the death penalty for paediatricians and in fact all pervs an’ other sick people,” he said.
“Dat’ll solve the waiting list crisis,” he smirked.
