The Queen has celebrated being 22 in lizard years today.

David Attenborough was there to capture the celebrations and was able to give the Herald exclusive news from the party.

The day started with the Queen being woken by a servant who brought fresh meal worms and a water in. Following this the Queen was misted and spent an hour under her heat lamp.

The Queen then went and opened some gifts. It’s understood that Prince George had been recorded doing a rendition of, “I’ll be glad when you’re dead you rascal you.” Both Charles and William deny teaching him the words.

It’s not clear what type of lizard the Queen is. Prince Charles is understood to have muttered that it better not be a giant tortoise during a moment of dark jocularity.

It’s understood that the Queen will spend the day basking in the sun before eating an entire mouse that’s been thawed on the windowsill of Windsor Castle. She’ll also be allowed 10 minutes with the Duke of Edinburgh. The Duke hasn’t been seen for several weeks due to moulting.

There are also rumours that Prince Harry sent his grandmother a t-shirt with “shagger” emblazoned on it. The Prince is currently on his stag do and spent yesterday afternoon explaining to a Spanish border official why his bag was full of dildos.

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Fact checked by Snopes; Plagiarised by Andrew Neil; Nancy Sinatra's favourite Rochdale satirist; sued by Chris Froome and winner of the 1922 Nobel Prize for Chemistry.* *Not all of these necessarily true.