Scientists from Rochdale College have developed an artificially intelligent self service till that beat Boris Johnson at Scrabble.
Dr Frederick Seddon said, “We were wanting to make this breakthrough because we thought it would relieve the stress of shoppers. An artificially intelligent till will realise that the item in the bagging area is a bag that is being filled with goods. It’s not surprising.”
Dr Seddon went on to explain, “Boris was visiting for some reason. I think he was hiding from Radio 4 or something. Anyway, he saw the self service till and asked us what it did. After explaining its purpose and a bit about the technology he challenged it to a game of Scrabble.”
The Herald understands that Mr Johnson lost the game in under 5 minutes. Dr Seddon said, “It’s amazing because the till only has a vocabulary of 25 words and it still beat him. There was a tense stand off about the word ‘Noel’ though.”
When asked about how the till celebrated Dr Seddon said, “It downloaded a copy of Queen’s, We are the champions and played it to Mr Johnson.”
Following his defeat Mr Johnson challenged the self service till to a running race. “Inexplicably the self service till won”, said Dr Seddon. It’s understood that the till has no legs and is in fact static.
Things got worse for Mr Johnson when he challenged the till to a wrestling bout. Dr Seddon said, “The till won that as well. I’ve never seen a self service till teabag a politician before.”
When we asked if we could interview the till Dr Seddon told us we couldn’t. It’s developed self awareness and sits on its own contemplating the futility of existence.
Mr Johnson has gone back to being Foreign Secretary.
