There was good news for truth seekers, Illuminati exposers and the generally paranoid today, as the BBC confirmed the Son of God David Icke is set to become the new host of Saturday Kitchen.
In radical changes to the popular cooking show, Icke will share handy DIY recipes for those who survive the New World Order’s impending cataclysms, while a leaked segment shows Icke calling out the Hairy Bikers for their clear support of Ultra Zionism and, shockingly, reading Rick Stein’s popular Monkfish stew recipe backwards to reveal a chilling satanic message.
Icke, who usually only imparts with ‘the truth’ when people pay his rockstar ticket prices, accepted his new role, but did not miss the opportunity to take a dig at his new employers.
‘Very good of the enemy to give me this platform – let’s see if they can handle the truth, or they bow to the sheeple & get that fat Yorkshire establishment stooge back on. Butter causes aids, yet the Illuminati driven BBC allow him to flaunt it – how convenient’ before covering the mic and muttering ‘Please don’t sack me, I need this’ to his new boss.
The aforementioned new boss, BBC Director Saul Less was particularly buoyant after the announcement, claiming the corporation would be branching into diverse new markets.
‘In line with the corporations proud history of making TV for everyone and also giving superfluous air time at the taxpayers expense to loud mouth, agenda driven narcissists beloved by a handful of nutters, we’re naturally delighted David has taken up our offer to boost our ratings in the much coveted ‘tinfoil hat’ market.’
Less also stopped short of confirming similar rumours that Bill Maloney is set to become host CBeebies, but did tease with a cheeky wink and a knowing smile when the question arose.
