The underfunding and imminent collapse of the NHS is due to a little known government policy on the zombie apocalypse sources have revealed.
Zombiepreppers in the UK were delighted this week when Jeremy Hunt revealed that the chronic underfunding of the NHS was due to the inevitable Zombie apocalypse.
The government has scheduled the apocalypse for late in 2025 as a way of actively culling the elderly, disabled, benefit scroungers and those stuck here after the EU barriers and barrage balloons go up along the white cliffs of Dover.
A spokesman for the Health Minister told the Rochdale Herald “There are plans for a mass zombie outbreak after David Davis has successfully seen the country through it’s glorious Brexit negotiations. We are currently investing in a far reaching underfunding program to prepare the NHS staff for this event. In line with new policies, the NHS will be dealing with zombies first and the sick and elderly later.”
Zombieist groups such as ‘Humans First’ are already stockpiling canned goods and bottles of Buckfast in anticipation of what they describe as “every true patriot’s duty to drive these zombies back where they came from” although they don’t know exactly where that is.
NHS staff have also been in a constant live rehearsal for the outbreak recently, leaving people on trolleys in corridors in an effort to create the circumstances of the apocalypse. The next stage is to give any frail or elderly people their own body bags and asking them if they “wouldn’t mind zipping themselves up just before walking towards the light”.
Dr Hans Umbastard told The Rochdale Herald, while the NHS of today is indeed on its knees, the public shouldn’t worry and the best thing to do is go to the pub and wait for it all to blow over.
