A Yorkshire man has been rushed to hospital after it was suspected he had the most serious strain of the Aussie flu virus known in the country.
Stan Dupp, a recruiment consultant from Harrogate, was spotted along the coastline of Scarborough this afternoon wearing surf shorts, a cork hat and a necklace with a sharks tooth on the end. He was also seen carrying a disposable BBQ, an inflatable crocodile and a Tesco value packet of king prawns.
Despite the freezing temperatures, strong winds and icy North Sea waters, Mr Dupp was topless and frequently dived in the sea, while beckoning onlookers to join him.
Eyewitnesses Jeff Leppard and Brian Maiden described to the Rochdale Herald what they saw.
“Now then, at first we thought it was some wazzock just messing around after a few too many pints of Tetley’s.
“We knew something was wrong when we noticed that that he actually had a 12 pack of Castlemine XXXX, was celebrating the recent ashes win for the Aussies and had recreated the wedding of Kylie Minogue to Jason Donovan from Neighbours, with shellfish sat on sandcastles.”
The Yorkshire Ambulance service was called soon after the sighting. They took the deluded Mr Dupp to a quarantine unit after initial treatment of saying ‘sort tha sen art tha wet jessie’ didn’t work.
Mr Dupp was alleged to have called the paramedics a couple of ‘pommie bastards’ and proclaimed that it was his beach, not theirs. He proceeded to recite all two memorable quotes from Crocodile Dundee, before attempting to make a getaway on a children’s ride outside an ammusement arcade on the prom.
Mr Dupp is now on a high intensity dose of Last of the Summer Wine, Heartbeat, Geoff Boycott commentary and is on an intravenous drip of Yorkshire tea.
Yorkshire folk have been warned to look out for symptoms of the flu.
These include craving Vegemite on sandwiches, wearing Fosters promotional t-shirts and sunblock, tying kangaroos down and waltzing with anyone named Matilda.
