MP Jeremy C*nt has accused the BBC of deliberately getting his name wrong during broadcasts, in order to publicly belittle him.
The angry parliamentary member released a furious statement earlier today in an attempt to ensure that nobody mistakes him for anything other than a C*nt.
“I just want to make it clear to everyone that I am a C*nt” said the MP, “I come from a long line of C*nts. I have always been a C*nt and will continue to be a C*nt until the day I die. Nothing is going to change that. I am proud to be a C*nt and believe these constant, so called, slips of the tongue are nothing more than a tawdry attempt to drag my good name through the mud.”
“To that end, I have instructed my legal team to take appropriate actions against those who continue to mispronounce my name. To reiterate, I am a C*nt and anyone who tries to manipulate or change that fact should not be in broadcasting.”
BBC spokesperson Rhytupme Bhakdhor issued a counterstatement soon after, pointing out that, “It’s completely accidental and anyone in their right mind can see how easy it is to confuse his surname with that other word we aren’t allowed to broadcast. Everyone at the BBC is more than aware that he is a C*nt – he’s probably been the biggest C*nt in the public eye for a long time now. The entire country knows he is a C*nt and nothing but a C*nt. I mean, even youngsters on the childrens wards of our massively underfunded hospitals say ‘oh, here’s that C*nt’ whenever he visits for a cynical photo opportunity.”
“We apologise for any offence caused and we will do our best to ensure that all of our staff refer to him as nothing other than C*nt at all times, but the occasional slip up is inevitable, given that he comes across as a complete fucking twat.”