A massive turd that is blocking the downstairs bog next to the Cabinet Meeting Room in Downing Street has been studiously ignoring hints that he isn’t welcome in the building.
The steaming piece of feculence has been stinking out the cabinet office for several months and has bizarrely taken on a life of his own, even subscribing to a mobile phone contract and joining a WhatsApp group of backbench Conservative MPs.
One regular visitor to Downing Street who wishes to remain nameless told The Herald.
“Visiting Downing Street at the moment is a pretty unpleasant experience. Nobody had noticed that the downstairs crapper was blocked for months, probably because of the stench of death coming out of the Cabinet briefing room.”
“The thing in there is absolutely unbelievable, it’s a pretty thick skinned and stubborn turd. It really just won’t take the hint. It’s been flushed several times and just refuses to leave.”
“It’s certainly responsible for lots and lots of smelly leaks in the Foreign Office.”
The turd has reportedly released a statement saying that he plans to stick around and support the Prime Minister for as long as it takes and that he is “frankly fed up to the back teeth about rumours that he has been asked to leave.”
