A group of friends from Rochdale have come to the horrible realisation that they maybe middle class.
Julian “Trotsky” Bennett told us, “We’re committed to Jeremy’s vision. We each believe passionately in socialism. We’ve even chosen special socialist nicknames.
Yesterday we got together for our weekly chat over some seriously delicious Paella. Then Emma served us Champagne as an appertif. That’s when it started.”
Mark “Engels” Albright added, “We started discussing whether champagne was too bourgeois for a group of committed socialists. I once met Jeremy Corbyn and he was drinking champagne so I thought it was alright. But Emma said it was a bit bourgeois to spend £50 on one bottle. We should probably be showing solidarity with the working class and drinking cans of Centurion lager but that started an argument with Oli. He’s into brewing his own beer and told us lager is pish unless it’s German or Bohemian. In the end we agreed that we’d drink Prosecco next week as that’s what people on Towie drink.”
Emma “Bukharin” Burrel-Earl said, “After that it became quite heated. My great grandfather was a street urchin so I’ve always thought of myself as working class. But Sara pointed out that I’m putting my kids through private school. I did say that that’s because I really value education but Sara just said that my actions just propagated inequality for working class children.”
Sara “Ezhov” Blue told us, “Oli said that all property ownership is theft. That’s because he’s jealous because he lives in a flat on his own. It’s not my fault my dad was able to buy me a house for my 21st birthday. Anyway, I’ve given loads of money to the working class when I had the east wing developed.”
Oli “I’ve run out of cool socialist names because I’m only a socialist for blow jobs” Rayne said, “I believe in the redistribution of wealth. That’s why I support Corbyn and wear this Corbyn t-shirt. The other day I met a homeless guy, bought him a McDonald’s and posed with him for a photo. That’s just who I am.”
It’s understood by the Herald that the Corbynista friends will buy their food from Sainsbury’s next week in a futile bid to appear working class.
