Supermarket giant Waitrose today announced the appointment of Alex Bell as the new Head of Egg Hiding.
Proudly the UK market leader in un-helpful shop lay-out and product camouflage, Waitrose have moved quickly in the face of new and innovative customer confusion tactics from low-cost competitors like Lidl and Aldi.
Mr Bell, formerly Head of Sorry But We’re Out of That at Harvester Pubs, will be charged with finding new ways to keep customers from buying eggs as the tradition method of merely moving them around the store every 2 weeks was no longer cutting it with savvy consumers.
Speaking of the appointment Waitrose CEO, Dave Overpromoted-Smith, said: “I’m delighted that Alex is joining the team. His experience in making what should be a simple and even pleasurable exercise, into a gnawing/grating irritation will be a valuable asset in the next stage of building a truly differentiated Waitrose brand. He understands how to put the customer’s blood pressure up and making staff face the wrath of angry 46 year old men at the heart of business decisions”
With both Lidl & Aldi already experts in making their shops like a Catalan polling station by using the central isle as a jumble sale of un-priced items, Waitrose have been falling behind. Analysts believe that making consumers run up and down frantically, buying nothing whilst becoming increasingly concerned about the children and dogs left in their car, is a key business metric.
One consumer took time away from head-butting the bonnet of his Volvo S60 to say “Where the fuck are the fucking eggs?”