The Conservative Party have announced they intend to disband after this years party conference in Manchester.
Political analyst Ecgbert Wonk said, “The last election showed an interesting trend. Many younger people and first time voters voted. Many of these people voted for the Labour Party. The Conservative Party are having to come up with ways to appeal to that demographic if they wish to keep winning elections.
In the past it was ok for them to just issue statements calling for immigration controls and fiscal liberalisation. The party faithful would turn out in huge numbers then. The problem is that many gammon-faced reactionary regressives became disillusioned with them an went to vote for UKIP. That means this gammon-faced demographic needs to be replaced so they’re having to look to younger voters.”
It’s understood by the Herald that William Hague is being consulted on the issue. A spokesman said, “William is being consulted as he was the last person to try to appeal to younger voters. One thing we’ve discovered is that wearing baseball caps to conference is probably not going to cut it.”
A senior advisor to Theresa May said, “Corbyn somehow got Stormzy to appeal to the youth and get them to vote for him. I’d never heard of Stormzy before this year. What we’ve learned is black urban culture with grime influences is very popular. That’s why Theresa will be known as SistaM at conference this year. Boris Johnson has said he’ll black up and sing, ‘The sun has got its hat on’.
Jacob Rees-Mogg has been busy trawling his family tree and has discovered his great-great-great-grandfather got a plantation slave pregnant in Barbados so he’s going to play up to his black ancestry.”
It’s alleged that following poor focus group feedback about the parties plans to appeal to younger voters the party chose to consult younger people themselves.
Following this consultation the Conservative Party have decided to appeal to younger voters by disbanding completely and will do so on October 15th 2017.
