The Met Office has released a statement this lunch time advising that all storms to hit the United Kingdom this winter will be named Storm Boris until Theresa May gets the balls to sack him.
The unusual step of fixing a name for repeated use with consecutive storm systems has been taken out of the expectation that Boris and May in tandem will continue to cover the entire country in a deep depression resulting in a cycle of dark clouds, endless rain and howling winds.
An aide for the Foreign Secretary gave the following reaction to the news,
“Boris is thrilled. He refers to himself in private as ‘the volcano’ because he doesn’t believe he’s fast moving enough to be a hurricane, but he can still destroy any habitat within miles and generally impact on the climate.
To hear this news will shore up his self esteem which needs it currently. He’s in the process of endangering the entire future of the United Kingdom in a personal and craven need to feel important. This will help him calm down and try and do his job, whatever that is.”
The prime minister was said to have reacted with concern to the Met Office announcement. She is dealing with Boris in the classic english method of moaning about the weather and just impotently waiting for it to clear up. To know that Storm Boris will not end of its own doing is said to have put her into a depressive slump it’s unlikely she will rise out of.
Labour activists however are more buoyant, believing that Storm Boris and the Storm Boris systems to follow, are is likely to cause floods sufficient to wash the entire Conservative cabinet out of office and into the sea. The only concern is that they’ll wash the entire country away with them.
