Politicians up and down the country have been inundating Amazon with orders for back-stabbing knives, hatchets, whetstones and sharpening steels as they ready themselves for the imminent Party Conference Season.
An Amazon source confirmed that recent sales of back-stabbing implements had spiked over the past few weeks with a particularly large number of orders going out to Labour MPs still embittered over last year’s failed coup.
There has also been a small order of chainmail vests posted out to a ‘JC’ in Islington. Though obviously keen to enact the final scenes of Julius Caesar, they are still unable to match the zeal for political power skulduggery of the Conservative MPs who have once again outstripped all the other parties combined demands for such weaponry.
One anomaly our source noted was lack of demand for Ides of March paraphernalia from renowned Tory schemer, Michael Gove. However, a particularly large order made by him during the Brexit campaign, which included snake costumes and near enough grassland for an entire Savanna, is likely to see him through.
When we asked the Parties for a response to the claims, all bar the LibDems declined to offer official responses, though unofficially we are led to understand that this is entirely the expected behaviour from MPs and they will, of course, be claiming the cost back via their expenses. A LibDem spokesman was quoted as saying “What’s the point? We’ve got a leader already in his 70s and no-one seems to be in that much of rush to replace him anyway.”
