Plans by eccentric far right conservative politician Jacob Rees-Mogg to be elected leader of the Conservative party have been delivered a body blow as genieologists have revealed t**hat far from being 100% English as he has always claimed, he is in fact descended from German immigrants.
“The original spelling was Reichs-Mogeln, which roughly translates as “one who is dishonest about his realm ” explained historian and peer group analyst Ima Burke, of Burke’s Peerage.
Mogg’s great grandfather Jakob Wilhelm Reichs-Mogeln, she revealed, was a plumber and inventor who designed the first pull-flush toilet cistern and who migrated to London in the 1890s, flushed with confidence in the potential of the English market.
Adding that Jacob was probably named after him, while his father, former Times editor, William Rees-Mogg is believed to have been named in honour of Jakob Wilhelm’s father, Wilhelm Heinrich Reichs-Mogeln, himself the inventor of the self flushing sedan chair, made popular by governors in Germany’s short lived African colonies.
This curious history, Burke suggested, implies a clear familial lineage both in occupation and given names, and in political affiliations.
While family members who migrated to England changed the spelling of the family surname, and gravitated to the effluential end of the Conservative party those who remained in Deutschland found a welcome home in the nascent Nazi party.
“Wilhelm’s nephew, Otto Von Bismarck Reichs-Mogeln rose to the rank of Brigadeführer in the SS and designed the latrines in several of the more notorious concentration camps,” she added explaining that having been captured by the Russians in the final days of the war he subsequently died of dysentery as a prisoner of war.
“His last words, recorded by his batman, were bemoaning the rudimentary toilet facilities and asserting that no one ever died from unsanitary conditions in one of “his” camps,” she explained.
Commenting the surprise discovery of Rees-Mogg’s previously concealed German ancestry and family history in fecal disposal Burke agreed that the exposure could affect his barely concealed plans to lead the Conservative party and indeed the United Kingdom out of Europe.
“The genie is out of the bottle now, but frankly for anyone who has been paying attention to the barely diluted fascistic crap he’s been spouting for years, this should really come as no surprise,” she added.
