The Secretary of State for International Trade, Liam Fox, was thrilled to announce this week the first trade agreement for a post-Brexit Britain.

The historic deal with Mexico’s Sinaloa Cartel, the world’s most powerful drug trafficking syndicate, will see more than 1,000 tonnes of Columbian marching powder imported into the UK through Romania every year.

“This is a very significant deal for Britain.” A spokesman for the Department of International Trade “It proves that there are trade agreements out there for us. It sends the signal that Britain is open for business.”

Known for brutal mass murders and summary executions the Conservative Party were keen to do a deal with The Sinaloa Cartel to improve their public image on the world stage.

According to the Department for International Trade, the CIA and the FBI the deal will see Heavy Goods Vehicles laden with cocaine transporting metric tons of the party drug into the UK on a weekly basis.

“Black market contraband and imported sex slaves from Eastern Europe make up a significant proportion of our GDP.” Liam Fox told a reporter from the Herald. “And after the entire financial services industry buggers off to Paris after Brexit proportionally it’s going to be even bigger.”

Estate Agents in London, George Osborne and Kate Moss are all said to be giddy at the prospect of an influx of high grade, low cost cocaine to the capital.

“House prices may be tumbling, inflation might be rising and war may be coming but at least the price of a gram of coke is coming down.” 


Quentin D Fortesqueue is a founding editor of The Rochdale Herald. Part time amateur narcissist and full time satirist Quentin is never happier than when playing his lute and drinking a full bodied Bordeaux. He rarely plays the lute and never gets to drink Bordeaux.