The White House has admitted today that all its press staff do coke.
The admission comes after the latest mouthpiece for President Trump, Mr Scaramucci, has not just carried on where Sean Spicer left off, but appears to be completely off his nuts on something.
It’s as if Trump has decided to replace a man performing an endless comedy act akin to a slapstick artist walking into a lamp post with a horror movie clown who wants to show you his brand new carving knife.
An aide to the President spoke about where Scaramucci gets his energy from.
“Coke.” The aide revealed, smiling broadly.
“We all love it in the White House. The President himself is on an endless supply of the stuff. All the press staff are on coke too. Who wouldn’t be? How would you handle working in here without a little pick me up?”
The confession maybe surprising in an age where everyone is striving to be more health conscious than the person they were just yesterday, but it does at least make sense of how Mr Scaramucci can describe one of his colleagues, Steve Bannon, as being intent on giving himself a blow job.
“If you stop taking it you’ll just fall apart.” The aide continued. “Trump has even had a button installed on his desk in the Oval Office so he can buzz when he needs another hit. What would you do if you were leader of the free world? Wouldn’t you drink endless litres of that delicious dark and bubbly soft drink?
Only someone trying to suck their own Johnson would drink another soft drink by choice.”
