Wilma Beard, a graduate teacher on the books of an education supply agency, has been contracted to fill in for Theresa May in the hope of improving cabinet discipline.
Ms Beard put the following post on her Facebook timeline, but neglected to set her privacy settings to friends, so we lifted it word for word for our own selfish ends.
“Said yes to supply Prime Minister position today. It’s till Brexit or whatever it is is over. The woman doing the job is going to have a ‘career break’ due to stress or whatever. I wasn’t really listening. Was TOO UPSET.
Agency won’t stop bugging me!
My parents bitching at me to friggin’ pay rent ALL THE TIME!
No beer money :((( No choice!
Not really happy with this.
It’s not fair.
I’m not sure I want to be a silly teacher even though I’ve got all this DEBT NOW.
I def don’t want to be prime minister! :(”
Regardless of Ms Beard’s lack of enthusiasm for the post it is thought she has a greater chance of getting the cabinet in line and bringing some discipline to senior ministers.
Most of the cabinet were tight lipped about the change but we did get the following comment from an aide to Boris Johnson.
“He is planning to like just use a Bic pen tube as a blowpipe to fire little bits of spit and paper at her. It’s going to be well fun.”
It’s not all doom and gloom for Ms Beard either. A later update on her timeline revealed she was gathering motivation for the post after revealing it would allow her to have the country buy her first home.
