George Osborne expected to push Theresa May’s political career beneath the waterline when he claimed she was ‘dead in the water’, but May quickly rebuffed his sudden shove by splashing her arms and crying for help.
In what was viewed by impartial media outlets as a spirited relaunch of her Premiership this week, Theresa May sung out to Jeremy Corbyn from deep water and asked Jeremy to be a good sport and row a lifeboat out to her. Preferably before her former colleague gave her another shove.
She also extended the open and waving arm approach to anyone in the Commons who will be kind enough to rescue her political career before she loses the energy to keep treading water.
Corbyn seemed in no mood to come out and assist however, preferring instead to stand and cheer as the water Ms May is floundering in grows ever deeper and darker.
The Prime Minister was in decidedly shallower water before she called the snap general election on June 8th. So shallow she was really just standing safely with the water lapping about her knees, allowing her plenty of time to run back onto the beach should any big wave appear.
Unfortunately her election campaign was gripped by a strong undertow that dragged the Prime Minister and her whole party out to much deeper water.
A Downing Street spokes-hopeful gave the following statement regarding this week’s relaunch,
“The Prime Minister is excellent at doggy paddle. You should see her too when she decides to fold herself up into a ball, blow out all the air and just sink to the bottom, wait and then burst back up to the surface gasping for air. She’s just done that now.
That’s not distress. She’s just splashing the water and calling for, um, help.”
