Theresa May is said to be both shocked and disappointed this afternoon by the contents of the freshly installed parliamentary suggestion box.
The box, made of walnut wood and inlaid with mother of pearl in the shape of a question mark, was chosen over a leopard skin container.
The walnut container, which once held Henry VIII’s love letters to Pope Clement VII, was thought by the Prime Minister to be more modest.
Ms May herself placed the box in the Commons this morning with a note inviting suggestions on how to improve policy.
An aide to Theresa May told the Rochdale Herald’s ‘Perpetual Disappointment in Politics’ correspondent the following,
“This box is especially treasured by Theresa May. She normally keeps the resignation letters of browbeaten staff inside it.
But she made it available as an act of contrition to the nation’s elected representatives in the expectation someone from Labour would solve Brexit for her.”
Sadly that is not what has happened on day one.
The contents of the box are believed to be listed as ‘official secrets’, but we have a contact inside Downing Street who sent a screenshot of the memo listing what was found inside.
1. Dog turd in a bag.
2. CD of ‘When Doves Cry’ by Prince
3. Dog turd in a bag.
4. Dog turd without a bag.
5. Copy of ‘Das Kapital’
6. Cat turd in a buttered hotdog bun.
7. Second copy of ‘Das Kapital’
8. Fox turd and a copy of ‘Das Kapital’ in a bag.
9. A resignation letter for Ms May to sign and submit.
10. Cheese sandwich, half eaten.
11. A black and white polaroid believed to be John McDonnell photographed in the nude in profile standing on several copies of ‘Das Kapital’.
12. A policy suggestion outlining the case for a second Scottish Independence Referendum, inside a dog turd, inside a bag.
13. A note with question “”How do you get a turd in a sock through the letter box?”
Ms May is believed to be determined to carry on with the suggestion box policy in spite of the initial lack of engagement. She will though be requesting MPs shove in less turds in bags.
