There was anger in parliament last night as the government narrowly defeated a motion by the Labour Party to end the cap on public sector pay rises by 323 votes to 309.
The government’s narrow victory was assured with the support of the 10 MPs of the Democratic Unionist Party, who earlier this week were promised an extra £1 billion to £1.5 billion to spend on orange paint, marching bands and promulgating the theory that planet earth is only 10,000 years old and anyone who says otherwise “wull buy dommed untuy the uturnul foirs of hull”, or possibly Grimsby.
“What message does this send to our heroic firemen who only last week were called on to save hundreds from a horrific death in the Grenfell Tower fire, caused probably by government forced spending cuts, and relaxation of building standards, and not at all by anything done by the previous Labour administrations.” asked Labour party spokesperson Harriet Marriot-Beecherstoe.
Critics from across the political spectrum pointed out that the money could have been better spent maintaining fire services at current levels and giving fire fighters a pay rise that kept pace with inflation, to ensure that the resources exist to deal with future disasters.
They point out that fire services aside, gifting such a huge amount of money to one side of the Northern Ireland political spectrum, simply creates a political imbalance that is potentially highly inflammable
Government officials however were unapologetic.
“The simple fact is that we have dealt with the issue of cladding, and with the protection of the DUP the government is now fully insulated from the threat of future conflagration,” said Conservative Party spokesman Quentin Smarmy-Bigot.
“And now that we’re resolutely fireproof, who needs firemen?” he smirked, pointing out that Northern Ireland was metaphorically in flames for decades.
“That’s a big chunk of their 10,000 year history, they should be used to it by now,” he laughed.
