Survivors of the Grenfell Tower disaster suffered a further shock last night when esteemed Tory minister Michael Gove was spotted in the vicinity.
It’s believed Gove was visiting friends in the area to make sure they hadn’t suffered terribly with smoke from the tower blaze making the windows of their palatial homes dirty.
“We had to pass the hat around.” A survivor told the Herald. “When reports started coming in that Michael Gove was visiting the area people started shaking again. It’s like hearing Dracula is nearby. Don’t invite him into your home. Oh, hang on, that’s not currently a problem, is it government?
We figured, if we give him all our change, maybe he’ll just go away?”
Go away is of course one of the messages coming down from central government days after the disaster.
Reports in the media indicate people are to be offered a sum that a Tory millionaire who’s never had to check their bank account in worry assumes is a windfall for a grieving pleb?
Even though the actual cost of beginning your life over again is hard to quantify, but is presumably a sum significantly larger than currently on offer.
Even better, now that their homes have burnt out in the richest area of the country, the working poor are being incentivised to move as far away as possible.
“It really just accelerates existing programmes designed to make central London more attractive to overseas oligarchs who distrust their own governments enough to want to warehouse their dodgy capital in London.” A government spokesbot informed the Herald.
“We thought kicking poor people off disability and taxing the hell out of any extra space they may have would do it. Even as we ask them to pay for Buckingham Palace to be refurbished. It’s a nice contrast if you ask us.
But this fire is an opportunity for social progress a Conservative cabinet predominately composed of inheritance millionaires is not going to miss.”
