Theresa May stood outside 10 Downing Street this afternoon to reassure an increasingly worried country that, “Don’t worry, my government will soon be gone.”
“It is the mark of a stable leader to know when to change their mind.” Ms May went on.
She wore a military style pants suit fetchingly reminiscent of British generals finding themselves accidentally trapped in trench warfare in the Somme.
“If you are worried. If you are sick. If you are tired of people who promise you one thing and then do another. You should probably get off Tinder.”
She paused to let her words work.
“If you are just about managing to make jam, I promise you, your government is listening.”
She continued, looking meaningfully into nowhere.
“Well, maybe not the executive of your government here at number 10, but Ken Clarke and Anna Soubry most definitely are and I’m pretty damn sure they are talking with Osborne and Corbyn.”
She went on to state that the power sharing agreement with the DUP, nicknamed “wag the dog”, was almost finalised.
“This agreement with ten people eager to lord it over the opposite side of their national and religious coin, will offer secure and stable government as we navigate through the troubled times that have appeared as if by magic.”
So that’s alright then.
“Words are needed more than action now. And I offer you, the people, an ever changing selection of salad. What next after stability and certainty? Strong and stable? You may be reassured we are working hard right now to provide that answer.”
Expect the Queen’s Speech due next week to be a word salad too.
