In a surprising turn of events Satan has declined an offer to join Theresa May’s new cabinet saying it would be “damaging” to his reputation.
Beelzebub was originally offered the role of Secretary of State for Health on the grounds that the Seventh Circle of Hell has shorter waiting times than pretty much every A&E in the country.
“We’re very sorry that Baphomet won’t be joining us in Government this time. He’s a very efficient administrator.” A spokesman for No10 told The Herald. “We’re going to continue with Jeremy Hunt for now. He’s pretty evil.”
Azmodeus, King of the Nine Hells told The Herald through a DUP spokesman wearing a balaclava that.
“I was of course flattered by the offer but I really can’t run the NHS with the same disregard for humanity that Jeremy Hunt is managing.”
“I’ll happily force feed the souls of the dammed excrement for all eternity but doing it to disabled children is a bit premature frankly most of my customers are wealthy tax evaders and media magnates anyway. I don’t think the Tories really understand my brief.”
