Amber Rudd tonight accepted a role as full-time spokesperson for Theresa May. The Herald asked Amber what caused her seat to turn Red, and she advised:
“In my capacity as Shadow Prime Minister, I was quite clear that we should not be copying Miliband’s ridiculous etching of his promises onto stone, irrespective of his subsequent Twitter sass.”
“I confess, when Theresa said she wanted to embroider the results of the snap election onto a giant tapestry before they had been announced, I was doubtful. But, the Bishop of Bayeux, odious little man, pressed the matter, and owing to our new policy of solely bashing their Abbotts rather than our Bishops, I was over-ruled. And now look, it’s all unravelling.”
Her official duties are expected to start in the morning. Early announcements are expected to include:
“Let me be very clear, we have shown we are willing to work in coalition, and you should judge us on our record…[break for laughter]”
“Fuck off Boris. No seriously. Boris, Theresa wants me to tell you quite firmly, fuck off.”
