The Labour Party has revealed a manifesto that will revolutionise British politics by getting rid of the Labour Party.
Speaking to the Herald a spokesman said, “This manifesto is aimed at appealing to as few people as possible meaning the only opposition to the Government will be the SNP.”
The manifesto includes a pledge for uncapped immigration into Britain. The Labour spokesman said, “In recent years core Labour voters have voted for UKIP citing immigration as a factor. This manifesto will address voters concerns by allowing for more immigration.”
The manifesto also makes it clear that the NHS will not be privatised and will expand its services to include homeopathy. Commenting the spokesman said, “Jeremy said in 2015 that homeopathy works for some people and compliments conventional medicine as they both come from organic matter.”
The spokesman further added “Education features high on the agenda as Jeremy plans to do a chemistry course once the Labour Party has destroyed itself.”
Responding to questions on race relations the spokesman said, “The Labour Party intends to offend all races with this manifesto.” Adding “Israel does bad things; Israel is Jewish; Ergo, Jewish people are bad.”
Yesterday Boris Johnson warned of Potential Russian interference in the election. A charge denied by the Russians as the Conservative Party are doing a good enough job of harming the EU and NATO without Mr Putin’s help. Some commentators have however pointed out, that it maybe thst Mr Johnson suspects Mr Putin is actually running Momentum.
If this manifesto doesn’t work the Labour Party have promised to elect a leader further to the left possibly in the Kim Jong Un spectrum in an effort to destroy the party at the next election.
