A ‘real music’ fan from Rochdale has revealed plans to spend tonight sneering loudly at the Eurovision song contest.
Martin Williams 42, told the Herald “Even though I’ve got a TV subscription with over 200 channels, Netflix and Amazon subscriptions I suppose I’ll have to sit and watch The Eurovision Craptest.”
Williams, a songwriter added, “It’s all so predictable and formulaic. I write better songs than that. Take my song ‘kick Thatcher in the C**t’. That was a piece of unappreciated genius. The screeching and lack of melody demonstrated the disharmony Thatcher’s legacy left. Then there was ‘kick Blair in the bol****s’. My guitar was off key deliberately to encapsulate the chaos in Iraq.”
Williams plans include repeatedly telling anybody who will listen how the various songs are too simplistic in form and arguing how this is why the current music scene is shit. He’ll also provide a running commentary on Twitter and Facebook for friends who have other plans.
Williams girlfriend Melissa added, ‘I’m off to a Eurovision party at my friends house. We’ll laugh at the outfits, get pissed on cheap prosecco, try and guess which of the presenters are shagging and probably finish the night by drunkenly singing Galway Girl. Martin can come but he’ll have to
sit in the spare room with Emma’s UKIP supporting dad who says Eurovision is an EUSSR plot to brainwash people into softening on Brexit.”
Williams ex bandmate Daniel Hague added, “I’ll not be around as it’s my fourth cousins, brother’s, sister in law’s mother’s 75th birthday. He’ll still phone up a 2 am though saying we should get the band back together as he’s written a certain hit and that that bloke at Epitaph didn’t know what he was talking about when we auditioned. I’m a tax accountant now with 3 kids so I haven’t got time to be in a band.”
